well woke up tossing and turning with a bad tummy ach not a great start to my day i stayed in bed missed yoga and then got up at 7am for meditaion . after breakfast we started class it was going well and talking to class mates made me feel a little better .. but.. then we started massage da da da .. i didnt have a partner ad the italian stalian asked me to be his partner he told me to laydown and that he would massage first . he was so confident thought he was doing every thing right... i was so tense and was thinking to my self shit michaela wat have you gotten your self into ? any other time in my life i would aviod thsi situation.. so half hour later its my turn well mr italian stalian lie on the table as soon as i start to rock him he says ouch dont touch there .. i was liek are you kidding me i have the lighest touch so then a teacher comes over i start again not wanting to give up! again he says ouch when you touch there it hurts me hold your hands like thsi the teacher looks at me and says i thought you were doing just fine .. i go again same thing happens he doesnt like it.. finaly i stop as the teacher could see i was getting discuraged. thank god break was in a few minutes i had break a drink orange juice and just started to ball my eyes out!! i couldnt go back to massaging him.. so i went to menlha and asked if i could sit out as i had been not feeling well all day and now was crying in front of all my class mates she said she didnt want me to leave but that i could sit and watch so i sat crying and watching... every one was so polite not asking me what was wrong just letting me cry ... i cryed for 3 hours as class went on for half a hour a came yto my room and fell asleep untill a knock on my door it was the teacher clair she asked me if she could come in and talk ... we decided to have a session and see why i was cring what was causing these amotions as i did not know. we talked about my situation anout how i dont like to be vonerable when ppl are around and how frustraited i was with this man who wouldnt let me massage him and how i felt he just shut me down ... and we talked about how she and the other teachers thought i was great and how i have been learning alot and our class is advanced and that i am so hard on my self and need to be more confident ! it was so hard to accept as i was feeling i had not done well and all i wanted to do what knock her words down but she repeated till i took it in and i cryed and cryed.. after lunch and our little session i went back up there like a champ i wiped my eyes and danced and massaged !! and my partner actaly thought i was good! it brought me back up to par.
im still fighting back tears but im starting to think of it as crying away the old and accepting the new.. as my mom just said michaela you are holding on to the old things the old feelings and ways that your use to you need to let them go and your body resists that for its does not like change...
its amazing how much i am learning ... i will take one day at a time and i promiss i will not let you down for if i chickend out of this adventure i know all of you would have a earful to give me...
so ill fight off te tears and hold my head high and get back in the game !!
tomorrow we have are first day off !! I am so excited my buddy Thomas is looking out for me he has got a group of 8 together to go surfing in nosara!! we will spend the day at the beach and after surfing we have decided to do some body work on the beach !! how cools is that to practice on each other!!
any ways another day another storie !
love you all so much kisses...xox
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