Couldn’t sleep last night … read for the first time Beth’s blog way to go girl you got some great detail and amazing photo’s !! as I read away I kept wishing my eyes would start to get heavy but this never came. I then decided to close my laptop and try and look out at the stars .. as I did I realized how beautiful the night sky was but still could not fall asleep I lay tossing and turning all night long got up for a pee at 5am and finally fell asleep. Woke up though with a vivid dream of Steph and Brock two very close friends of mine … they had come for a vacation to costa rica and wanted to connect … A friend here had given me her cell phone to use to contact them but the only time I could do this was during silence I kept getting in trouble for talking and as I would try and find a hiding spot the connection would get worse and worse .. both staff and I were very frustrated and she finally said ok were on our way were going to come get you right now… and I was trying to explain no this cant work im in silence and then I have class… they came any way… then I woke up…
I think this dream was because I just want a break from all this .. I feel like im going through so much and just wanna have some fun !! also I really want to see some one from home as im missing every one…
Today im gonna fill this emptiness with going out for lunch with casey and getting some chiken and throwing my pictured rocks in the ocean!! Get some of that frustration out!
In meditation today there was no way I could close my eyes and meditate I just sat there fighting my self not to get up and leave but to sit there even if it was with my eyes open. I was having all these thoughts and frustrations of what elts I could be doing with my time instead of sitting in the circle of silence. I realy just wanted a coffee and go for a walk or read a book.. any thing rather then sitting there for a hour watching every one elts do this exercise. But when it was all done and over I was proud of my self just to sit there and be with it… but man was it ever hard!! And I still want my morning coffee … the 2pm coffee is just to late for me and I think this is keeping me up at night.
Now remember the Fudge I so wanted and devoured well its all gone moldy … they had maybe 12 bottles they left on display in the sun then decided after about a week that maybe it should be in the fridge well now all of us want some !! and its all gone moldy!! Booo… a bunch of sexually frustrated ppl in a commune and now no chocolate … they better have a new batch soon that’s all I can say!!
Ok well its time for class to start …
Talk soon xox M
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