ITS AMAZING THE GIFT LIFE IS....

its funny Im struggling looking back at my life ... looking at the hard times the dark secrets and the struggle of feeling not lovable... with all of this...

here in costa rica at hocienda del sol it makes you look at your self what do you love about your life what hard ships have you gone through and how has this effected your life or made you who you are today...

as i sat in my room last night after the party i poured a dark secret out to beth ... as we both sat in our beds talking i felt love and acceptance form here but not from my self... i really struggle with this attachment as i dont want it to be... so i find my self telling my self this story is not about you... not wanting to own it... this is life though we all have to go through shit during life this makes us who we are ... its funny cuz lots of ppl tell me or look at me and say wow you got it so good and then there are ppl who say wow you are such a beautiful women and so confident! but little do all you know im struggling to find this.. every day we judge ppl... or think we know some one... but were all going through shit or have secrets and that ok ... i feel like i am just starting to realize this.. and what a gift that is as i will not be 40 and wondering who i am or why i am the way i am ... im starting to realize who i am ...

soo here's what i got so far!! i am beautiful, i carry my self in a sensitive open caring manner... i am strong and have special qualities i am a gift and and want to per sieve my self as a goddess one day! I respect my self for who i am I know im growing still and learning and am willing to let in the knowledge and accept what life throws at me as it only makes me stronger.

i think that this blog is not only a gift im getting out of it by telling my story from my heart and accepting that ppl have judgments and may not like what a write or have a opinion and that's ok but also that there may be some one out there going through the same thing and because i have opened up they can open up now as well... or feel Finlay like it is ok some one will accept them..as they are not alone.

life is such a amazing process!! so enjoy it as i am enjoying mine ...

love M