fusk shit fick fuck shit... woke up this morning adgitated as hell... so anoyed and could not sit still in meditation if my life depended on it... every ones energy is pissing me off ... wait where is my NVC non violent comunicationt well fuck that too..
i sleep thinking oh this will pass and oh let me check in with my self and oh this is so great im working through my shit but then a day like today comes around where im like take me back to the fucking city and let me ignor my problems and drink away my sorrows as this is bull shit!!
evry time i think i have tackled another demon or let a feeling pass some thing elts arrises... then in meditation they say oh just sit with it ... well fuck i havew been sitting with it and it SUCKS...
my body feels like a NUT and i have a outer shell i just wanna CRACK OPEN!! any one willing to help me??
cuz i donno if i can sit here beating my self up in my head and trying to accept what the hell is going on here !!
and ontop of all this show up to fucking class with a smile on my face and pretend like my energy is all light and fluffy well today get ready its not!! its fucking reved up and ready to fight!!
ough ive said enough and the fucking bell just rang for class ... great!
im out M
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