only 4 weeks left...

wow time is flying by here in costa rica only 4 weeks left here and i have no idea what i wanna do .. it feels like every thing just happens so i dont wanna make plans i feel very content rather i stay here or come home to rainy Vancouver...

i did how ever have a eye opening conversation to day with a instructor and a other student.. and i realized why i live the way i do and why i have such a attachment to home...

here we go i'm opening up some more... big breath...
since i was in elementary school i have always had two things i have thought... 1. by the age of 26 i will be married 2. i always thought i would never make it to 25 years of age...

so here i am 25 i have had hard times and good time a amazing family as a back bone but struggled as all of us have ive had depression and copped with pot... and some where in me felt like after 25 there was nothing a blank slate... if i made it well hallelujah... and here i am 25 and in costa rica .. i have only told a few ppl that i never saw my self past the age of 25... now coming up to 26 and having this time ot get to know my self and seeing the changes i have had here its incredible.. i can see my self coming home and settling down.. i have this calm about me i know who i am and what i want i respect my inner self..

i am definitely they girl i came to costa rica as... i am grounded want different things in life i want a man i can come home to i want kids i can raise and bring into my amazing family... but at the same time i know i will not settle .. i want what i want and i will not compromise... with that... i feel so strongly that i want some one who will treat me as good as i treat my self or better.. and he will need to give me what i give my self or more..

so much of my life i have compromised pushed my need's aside for others or berried my feelings in my tummy hense the belly... i get choked up talking about this because i feel beautiful and am being called a goddess here at hocienda by all my friends here and i have never felt so much love and acceptance! when i came here i was so wrapped up in material things, partying, work and not feeling good enough now i feel like i can have a simple life and be so content as i knwo who i am and am not wrapped up in a life leading me ... i am leading my life... i will now create my own path i want! we all have this audibility but it is so hard to see when we are in the world we are living in...

i am so excited to come home and share my stories and have you all see me in this new light as i am proud to be Michaela... even though i have cobwebs still to work out i know my strangth will guide its way out..